MEMOIRS: GRASSHOPPER HUNTERS

So, I have decided to start a series, two series actually. The second one will start at a later time.
Memoirs will talk childhood experiences, adventures, happy moments, disappointments etc. I will write as inspiration leads me.
I grew up in a compound full of children, the kind of compound where each household has more than three children. We were free to a large extent, we were not the “go and read your books” kind of children except if it was to serve as punishment. We roamed, strolled, fought, plotted, played dangerous games, almost anything you can think about.
Apart from the mainstream fun most people had as kids, we also had a flare for catching grasshoppers (what we called tata then). Now that I think about it, not everything we caught back then were grasshoppers. We also caught stick insects, locusts( smell absurd), praying mantis and katydids. But everything that hopped then was tata to us😄.
20180430_202603-COLLAGEThere was a small bush( not bush like that) that served as our hunting ground. We would stroll into the bush, moving stealthily to avoid startling the hoppers and trap them in our hands. Imagine walking through a bush while people watched, but we didn’t care. I remember we used to shout “mo bò”(I trapped it or I caught it) whenever we caught a grasshopper. We would immediately sever the the hind limbs that allowed them to escape. Now, I can almost hear the sound the helpless creatures made during their short flights to safety- to escape being caught by us. Not less than ten grasshoppers were caught on days luck smiled on us( I think luck was always smiling on us😊).
When we became satisfied with a day’s catch, we would take them back home, trapping the grasshoppers tightly in our hands to prevent them from escaping. Some died in the process. The ones that survived were subjected to different kinds of treatment. If you are against animal cruelty you should probably leave now😄.20180430_202406-COLLAGE
We carried out different experiments with our grasshoppers but we never ate them like I’ve heard that some people do. We simulated acts of kissing between hoppers while we made what was kissing sounds to us then. We forced hugs. We even arranged battles between grasshoppers and ants- black ants, brown ants etc, and we would watch, with eagerness, the ants tear the limbs from our play things. Some were buried; some alive. I once gave a dead hopper a “befitting” burial. I put it in a coffin of groundnut shell and I put it in the ground. But my curious mind didn’t allow the poor thing rest in peace, my curious mind wanted to find out what had happened to it. I was astonished to find the grasshopper decaying/decayed, it seemed so beautiful to me. In the actual event of becoming bored with our play things, we hid them in places we thought safe or just killed them off. Death was delivered in various ways. I personally loved pulling out the innards of a grasshopper through the head. We were committing small scale genocide😄.
There were also funny moments when we would chase a hopper into the mouth of a lizard. The lizards were always quick at catching a free meal. Even that predatory show excited me.
I have always been fascinated by these little creatures and a part of me still remains a grasshopper hunter. The idea of moving stealthily, deceiving myself I’m a real hunter, after grasshoppers is exciting, and even now when I see grasshoppers, I try to catch them. Maybe its just an indication that a part of us will still be kids.
Who else was a grasshopper hunter? Share your own adventures in the comment. You can share your own memoirs too😊.
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WHEN WE FAIL

DisappointmentEverybody, at a particular point in their lives, must have failed at something they set out to accomplish. It could be academics, business, politics, marriage etc. Most people also know how destabilizing failure can be and how badly it can affect the psyche of a person.
I’ve had my own share of failure, so I know what it feels like when a person fails or think they’ve failed at something.
Growing up, I was never really able to comprehend failure except in times when I lost a fight. Whenever I lost a fight and got beat up, it always felt like I should disappear from the face of the earth so nobody would see me like a beat down dog. If you’ve been in a fight before and you lost, you would know how difficult it can be to get up, hold your head up and look people in the face after getting a beating. It is even made worse with taunting and mockery from people who witnessed the fight.
Now that failure means more than losing a fight to me, it still gives me the same feeling, maybe even worse. Whenever I fail at something, especially tests and exams, I get very unhappy. At times like that, I always just want everything to just end, like something should take me away or take everyone around me away, so that it will just be me and my failure and nobody will ever know I failed. I always want to be on my own, away from everything else. For me, failure comes with a kind of pain that is so excruciating I always feel like crying but I can’t even shed a tear. It is a kind of psychological pain that feels like an emptiness, a hole, a void and only success can take the pain away and fill the void. It gets even more painful when you fail at what people close to you have excelled at.
Failure also has a crippling effect on a person’s psyche. It kills a person’s morale and the will to continue a task, take for example failing( or thinking you’ve failed) a paper during exams. Failing in one paper could bring the whole exam to an end for some people as a result of damaged confidence/psyche. It can also find its way into other activities, as an aftereffect, and a person could get incapacitated and disoriented. One can start losing focus. You want the feeling to go away but it just stays there, almost unshakable.
Failing also makes people want to go into “hiding”. You will try to hide the evidence of your failure. You get so conscious of the failure that you want to hide it from people. I think this happens more when we fall short of the expectation some people have had of us. You tell people that you’re okay but you hurt silently. I remember hiding my report cards in two different occasions when I failed in school. It was a foolish thing to do but I didn’t want my parents to know I failed. I wanted to hide the the proof that I fell short of their expectations. The decision to hide the cards was also borne out of fear of being rebuked. People even go as far as forgery to hide failure.
As damaging as failure can be in the first instance, it can be even more damaging when it is not properly handled. One failure can spark off a series of other failures.
I’ve also discovered that mustering a little strength and giving yourself a will will help you bounce back after failing or after an initial setback. Never linger too long on failure, it is bad for confidence.

BOOKS YOU SHOULD READ ON YOUR SPARE TIME

One of the things I do with my free time is reading. I’m not talking school books now, I’m talking novels, short stories, book summaries etc. So when I’m not watching a movie, sleeping, preparing for a test or an exam or just lazing about, I might be reading a book.
Reading helps to fill a certain kind of void and emptiness I feel sometimes.
If you are a reader of books like me, I have suggestions on books you can/should read on your free time.
Half-of-a-Yellow-Sun-fxHalf of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Most people that have seen the movie would probably feel there is no need reading the book but as someone that has read the book, I think the movie didn’t do justice to the book. The movie didn’t portray a lot of things and one is the funny Ugwu. If you want to feel what I felt reading the book, then you should grab a copy.
AnthillsOfTheSavannah

Anthills of the Savannah by Chinua Achebe
This book tells the story of three friends, how they begin to fall apart when one on them becomes Head of State. But while they struggle to stay friends and loyal to one another, something bigger that would jeopardize their lives and the people they love is about to happen.

792a80090c8918e9be39c276c014b729Stay With Me by Ayobami Adebayo

The debut novel of this author and a good one. Yejide and Akin are a young childless couple coping with increasing pressure for a child from their families. Did their love survive the test of childlessness? Did they succumb to the pressure? What was their way out? When does family turn to foe? Why did love turn to hatred? You will find the answers to these questions in the book. The book also talks about sickle cell disease.

16114423_1392073554157694_3782245104680499838_n-e1484539534995Akata Witch( or What Sunny Saw In The Flames) by Nnedi Okoroafor
Nnedi is perhaps the best sci-fi/fantasy writer from Nigeria. She also writes for MARVEL. One of her books, Who Fears Death is being developed into a TV show under HBO.
If you love fantasy, Akata Witch is a book to read and Nnedi is the author to read. Akata Witch tells the adventure of Sunny and her friends as they discover their abilities and fight against evil. The book is the first of two books in the series, the second book is Akata Warrior.
db276ba85cb3f79ef32184d99eb0a562--my-books-books-to-readI Do Not Come To You By Chance by Nwaubani Adaobi Tricia
Adaobi Tricia writes about how a tough life leads a university graduate into the world of advance fee fraud. The book takes you into the world of 419 when it was first booming in Nigeria, the struggle to do what is right by one’s family and how everything changes when money enters the picture.
0d91374e3f5cdcc2bd71459730540f8dThe Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin
A polygamous life is not what Bolanle always wanted but it is what she settles for after a life-changing incident. But in Baba Segi’s household, there is a big secret waiting to be unravelled. What secrets are Baba Segi’s wives hiding? Get a copy of this book and experience the joy, problems, conspiracies and secrets of Baba Segi’s family.
img-20170301-wa0010-e1523123495597.jpegMeasuring Time by Helon Habila
Twins Mamo and LaMamo are on a quest/dream for glory and fame. Only one of them will pursue the dreams of the two of them while the other waits back. But did he find fame?
wpid-wp-1440770989072On The Bank Of The River by Ifeoluwapo Adeniyi
I had to beg my sister to allow me finish this book before she returned it. The book was my companion in a time of boredom.
It tells the story of a past life and the present one. Get a copy and read Enitan’a story.
b38d4f4fff9e75c8bdca8443fb553181--book-cover-design-book-coversThe Palmwine Drinkard by Amos Tutuola
If you love weird and queer, then this is the book to read. It takes you on the adventure of a man trying to bring his palmwine tapper back from the land of the dead. The book is written in very funny English but you will have a good laugh.
x298Tell Me Your Dreams by Sidney Sheldon
One of the two books by Sidney Sheldon that I read in secondary school.
A-Game-Of-Thrones_novelA Song Of Ice And Fire by George R.R Martin
My list wouldn’t be complete without the book the best TV show in the world is adapted from. I have read four out of the five released books in the series.
fine-boysFine Boys by Eghosa Imasuen
My most recent read and the first book I bought with my money😊. You can get the book on OkadaBooks. You should definitely read this book.
EXTRA: Read 48 Laws of Power. If not for the laws, read it for the sweet history

THE BEST GAME OF THRONES QUOTES

gematruna.jpgI like Game of Thrones and I know a lot of other people do too. This is my own list of the best quotes from the show( and the people that said them).
lg_92a36c8ed47f-ramsay-1920“Welcome home, Lord Stark” – Ramsay Bolton to Rickon( S6)
Smalljon Umber brought Rickon and Osha to Ramsay as captives( with the head of Rickon’s slain wolf, Shaggydog). That was Ramsay’s way of saying welcome, with his evil psychopathic grin.
Image-5807~2.jpg“It will all be over soon. On your knees or on your feet”
“Haven’t we been through this already? That won’t help you” – The Waif to Arya( S6E08)
“That” was referring to Needle. After all was said, Arya skinned her face and took it to the Many Faced God🙌.
lg_40641058904b-tyrion-lannister“That’s what I do. I drink and I know things” – Tyrion Lannister( S6)
From the wisest man in the series. If you’ve been to a place where people drink, you will know that they know a lot of things.
giphy-facebook_s“Wear it, burn it, whatever you want. You have Castle Black. My watch has ended” – Jon Snow to Edd Tollett( S6E03)
When you’ve given so much and you still get killed by your own people, then you come back, have your revenge and give them back their damned post. Logically, his watch had actually ended.
lg_61aff147b767-f13272da1ee4a10785247ef78d0b14dc“I know you never fucked a bear. You know you never fucked a bear. Right now I don’t want to hear about the bear your never fucked” – Ygritte to Tormund( S4E09)
The wildlings were preparing for their attack on the Wall and all Tormund could think about was a ‘bear’😕. Someone needed to shut him up and Ygritte did that.
“Death is the enemy, the first enemy and the last… The enemy always wins and we still need to fight him” – Beric Dondarrion to Jon Snow( S7E06)
When Beric, Jon and the rest of their ‘suicide squad’ were on a mission to capture a wight, Beric thought it good to give Jon a pep talk about the true enemy. And his voice was fire.
Rory-McCann-as-Sandor-The-Hound-Clegane_photo-Helen-Sloane_HBO“Fuck off” – Sandor ‘The Hound’ Clegane to different people
Damn, I like the way Joffrey’s dog says fuck off.
latest“Stay too long where you don’t belong and you will never return”
“It is beautiful beneath the sea but if you stay too long, you’ll drown” – The Three-Eyed Raven to Bran( S6E02)
Bran wanted to linger on in a trance but the Three-Eyed Raven thought not.
lg_61aff147b767-f13272da1ee4a10785247ef78d0b14dc“You know nothing, Jon Snow” – Ygritte to Jon
Yh, Jon knows nothing except how to brood.
latest(1)“Burn them all” – Aerys ‘The Mad King’ Targaryen
The Mad King had a thing for seeing things go up in flames and this statement was never far from his lips.
lg_1bc4b36a9ea8-dc_divixuaauorj“Power is power” – Cersei Lannister to Littlefinger( S2E01)
The look on Baelish’s face when Cersei told her guards to seize him was priceless. This was a powerful statement. And as much as knowledge is power, power is just power.
Davos_Seaworth_(S04E02)“This is Jon Snow” – Davos Seaworthy to Daenerys( S7E03)
This is perhaps the most ridiculous, funniest statement made in the series. I mean, after Dany’s customary introduction by Missandei, all Davos could say was that😄?
lg_6714a1b3c0d7-got-351093“For the Watch” – See Alliser Thorne, Olly and other murderous men of the Night’s Watch( S5E10)
Well, he came back from the dead and had his last frown
roose-bolton-1“The Lannisters send their regards” – Roose Bolton to the Starks( S3E09)
The Red Wedding is one of the most brutal episodes in the series. We all know there is nothing good about the Lannister sending their ‘regards’.
sansa-stark“You are going to die tomorrow, Lord Bolton. Sleep well” – Sansa Stark to Ramsay Bolton( S6E09)
And Lord Bolton did die the next day😄.
jaime-lannister-game-of-thrones“The things we do for love” – Jaime Lannister( S1E01)
After this statement, he crippled Bran for life.
olenna-tyrell“Tell Cersei. I want her to know it was me” – Olenna ‘The Queen of Thorns’ Tyrell( S7E03)
As prickly as a thorn and tart-tongued. She knew she was going to die and she was not going to leave without leaving her killer with one last hurtful thing, like ‘choke on that, bitch’.
gematruna“The man who passes the sentence should swing the sword” – Eddard Stark( S1E01)
Well, it wasn’t Joffery swinging the sword when his head rolled. It was Ser Ilyn Payne who took his head in one clean swing with his own greatsword, Ice.
daenerys-targaryen-1233999“Dracarys” – Daenerys
You hear this word and you immediately know some people are about to be toast.

What are you own best quotes from GOT? Share them and your thoughts in the comment section. Click the like button😊.

 

 

 

THE SOMEWHAT FUNNY ASPECTS OF PARENTS’ FIGHTS

Good day.
This is the first post I wrote for this blog but for some reason I had to make it wait.
Kids fight, adults fight, brothers fight, sisters fight, friends fight, enemies fight😄, business partners fight, parents fight and everybody fights. But there are things that seem subtly funny when these “fights” happen. Take a ride with me.

'Another thing I hate, the cat always taking your side!'
‘Another thing I hate, the cat always taking your side!’

Some people might feel somehow about finding funny aspects to what is probably a problem in most homes and most children wouldn’t discuss a topic like this publicly. After reading this, maybe you will see things from my own perspective. This post isn’t meant to undermine the effects of these “fights” on the children.
We all know conflicts or disagreements( physical, verbal or psychological) are common between couples/parents in the home and oftentimes, most of these conflicts are resolved plus we all laugh after( not ignoring the restive atmosphere in the house prior to conflict resolution). During these fight periods, we sometimes just want to get away from the house, to escape from everything but we are probably scared of the disagreements degenerating into something worse. But I actually do find funny sides to these fights.

'The thing I really enjoy is the build up to Christmas.'
‘The thing I really enjoy is the build up to Christmas.’

When parents fight, the children sometimes find themselves in the middle( as mediators at times) and the disagreements seem like cat and dog at times. The way parents start using their children as go-between is kind of funny but can be stressful for the children. Imagine when your parents and suddenly you become the link between both of them. Your father needs to get something from your mom but they are not talking, so you have to go and tell your mom that your dad wants something from her, and vice versa. Stressful but funny at times.
Another thing is the “silent treatment” and how fathers refuse to eat meals at home( happy extra food for some gluttonous children). I wonder how young couples manage when they fight. Like how do they survive without communicating their sexual needs, especially very horny couples? No sex, no cuddling and putting on the I-don’t-care face when they are actually suffering 😄. The subtle ways parents shade themselves when fighting is another funny thing.
The way they settle their fights also. Your father just comes home one day, after weeks of not eating your mom’s food, and he decides to eat( you will be thinking in your mind that you thought he was not hungry before😄, though you are relieved). From there, they slowly start getting back together, and BOOM! they are lovey dovey again. Or how your mom goes to your dad’s room at night and in the morning everything is smooth( don’t ask me what they do😊).
If you don’t find those funny, how about the things they suddenly start doing by themselves? How your father that can’t scrub his back without calling your mom just starts doing it when they disagree? How he starts cooking some horrible meals( ridden with onions and what not) because he wants to shun that tasty meal prepared by your mom? Some parents will even eat when the meal is prepared by their child but not the spouse they are quarreling with. And you will just be thinking about how one of them should just “mellow” and allow peace to reign so that the children will be relieved of the stress.
That brings me to a funny story I heard once. A man, civil servant, travelled to his workplace( work takes him to different places). Then one night his wife decided to call and check up on her husband as usual. The call became a shouting fit over the phone with insults traded. When the wife finally got off the phone, she said that it was a woman that first picked the call. With the insults, of course,” kasala” was going to bust whenever the husband came back.
The husband came back and the woman went into “hiding”, she had locked herself up in one of the rooms( probably the best thing to do). The man said the only thing that would pacify him was if his wife came out and he administered five slaps on her face for the insults😄. The woman did not come out and days later the problem was resolved with no faces slapped and no fist fights.
And be careful not to take sides because they will settle and you might start feeling foolish.
Share your views. Thank you

THE MOST RIDICULOUS MOVIE EVER MADE

Hello, I’m here again. Thank you for reading my first post.
This is a post on movies. Let me quickly chip it in that I’m a movies guy. Movies, TV shows, movie trailers, anything movies, I probably know about it. I also have over 60GB of movies to my download credit( thanks to torrents). So I think I’ve won my bragging rights in my own little way😁.12717845_f496
I don’t think this is a movie review.
It should be common knowledge that Hollywood makes a ton of movies every year, so we have the good, the bad, the ugly and the very ugly, almost unwatchable movies every year( do you see what I did there?). Apart from the blockbusters released every year, there are also lots of “non-blockbusters” released too, some of them good and others ridiculously horrible.
This post explores my own nominee for the most ridiculous movie ever made. So sit tight and enjoy the cruise ( the Ridiculous 6 probably came to your mind but based on my assessment, it’s a good movie).
Range 15 takes home my prize for the most ridiculous( and most horrible) movie ever made. It is a 2016 movie made on a budget of about $1.5M and I don’t think it has a Box Office record( no estimated revenue on the movie).images(2)
The movie follows the quest of some soldiers for the cure to a zombie infection after they woke up to a zombie apocalypse( see link for plot https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Range_15).
I like movies about zombie apocalypse, I’ve see many of them- World War Z( still expecting the sequel), Resident Evil franchise, Land of the Dead, Train to Busan, Warm Bodies, The Girl With All The Gifts, zombie TV shows like The Walking Dead and Fear the Walking Dead. So when I came across Range 15, I immediately wanted to watch it. But it turned out to be a horrible and ridiculous movie. I will list some of my reasons for saying this;
The characters portrayed in the movie are very absurd and most of the characters are played by unknown faces( the movie would have ruined the career of any big actor).
The movie is somewhat erotic with all shades of wrong scenes. There was a scene with a dwarf zombie chasing people with its abnormally long genitals. A guy also fell in love with a female zombie and they had sex with kissing and everything😷. I leave the rest to your imagination.
It also has not too good action sequences plus a wrestling match between humans and zombies
And you wouldn’t believe what the cure for the infection was.
I still liked the movie to an extent probably because of its ridiculousness.
Don’t take my word for it, try to see the movie and it might just enter your list of horrible and ridiculous movies.
Visit FzMovieZ.In or torrent sites( YTS.AM, MkvCage.com, Rarbg.com) to download the movie.
Don’t forget to click the like button if you enjoyed this post and leave a comment😊.

BOARDING HOUSE HAUNTING STORIES: FACT OR MYTH

Hello, this is my first time😊. I hope you like this.

Today, we will be discussing a subject that most people that attended boarding schools can/should relate to and probably have had one or more experiences that they would like to share( comment section).
Boarding house, ahh!! Most people that were boarders for their primary and secondary school years would agree if I say boarding house was both fun and hell. The fun part being the friends we made, love( for those that found one or something that looked like it), midterm breaks, term holidays, and the craziest part which was the wild adventures. Adventures that might include sneaking out of school for different reasons, inter-house sports competition, skipping classes to laze about or gist, playing betting games and for people like me that attended Christian boarding schools, stabbing night vigils. Damn, night vigils were crazy.
The hell part would be the bullying from seniors when we were junior students, punishments( though joint punishments were fun), incessant whipping, bad food( at times) and having to deal with your things getting stolen, provisions especially. When I was in school, guys could steal almost anything, including boxers, school uniforms, socks even sandals at times. And it was not uncommon to see some parents complaining on open days, visiting days or midterm breaks about how all of their child’s stuff had been stolen. Some boys( I attended a boys only boarding school), mostly juniors, went home with virtually nothing on school breaks. Lest I forget, there were also some guys that could bedwet the whole school.
The matter that takes centre stage of my post today is the haunting stories we all heard about boarding house before or after we had entered. I bet everybody knows about Ms KoiKoi( I hope I got the spelling right), Shift-Make-I-Sleep, bushbaby and all others I might not know about. Those three I mentioned are common knowledge to all boarders even till now, I think.
Every boarder has/should have probably had a story about Ms KoiKoi. I said a story because there are so many different twists, turns and version to her story. A version of Mrs KoiKoi’s story I heard said she’s been looking for a leg of shoes and she goes about boarding houses doing so. Apparently, anybody that sees her whenever she comes is doomed. Another version, which I might not tell right, says that she lost her son one boarding house and she goes around boarding houses looking for him or mourning him. Some people even allege that they have heard the “ko-ko-ka” sound of her shoes when she’s around ( maybe that one is Madam Kokoka). Other accounts say she wears red and hates or gets angry at people/students that spot the colour red.
Shift-Make-I-Sleep, like the name says, goes to students when they are sleeping and tells them to shift so it can share their bed with them. Students that complied( under the grogginess of sleep) were eventually pushed off the bed or harmed, according to the stories. Such students woke up on the floor the next morning.
Bushbaby was known for its incessant weeping, almost like a baby crying, and students were usually warned against going to check to see the “crying baby”. There are other stories I don’t know about( feel free to add yours in the comment section).
What is baffling is actually whether these stories are true or not. Some students would tell you they’ve had an experience/encounter with the characters of these scary tales. Other students just shrugged them off as mere stories to get boarders to be of their best behaviour, not to go poke-nosing. Most students than not were scared by these stories and scared of probably encountering one of these ghost characters. Personally, the stories scared me and throughout my stay in boarding school, I mostly shared a bed with other students. Yes, I did that😜.
There were times students would just run into the hostel saying they saw some strange thing or creature and in fear, all of you went out to verify the claim but found nothing. Maybe there were other times such claims were verified, some of you might know. Some seniors even made it worse with their constant scare tactics. In my school, then, the seniors told tales about how there were formerly 99 gods in the location my school was built. Bad seniors, right?😬
I also remember an incident that happened when I was in JS3. A JS1 boy then said he was being attacked by a creature at night. Believe me, the boy was scared. He cried, and there was a day I saw him at the altar begging God to protect him. He said the thing/creature(I don’t know what it was) carried him off his bed and slept on his bunk, urinated on the senior that slept under him. There was a night he also woke the dormitory up( he changed dormitories briefly during that period) to say that the creature was around. Some guys started praying and reading the Bible. Of course, some students believed and others doubted. I think the housemasters called it bluff. The whole drama later died down and the school calmed but during those periods, I must admit I heard strange sounds(might have been my imagination). Urinating at night also became fast affair- I no want make anything carry me comot😄.
Also, after the incident, a senior in SS3 said the boy might have been telling the truth because his classmate told him that there was a day he was in the dormitory and he heard footsteps approaching but saw nothing and no one.
Maybe the whole affair was just a means designed by the boy to stop attending boarding school, I would never know or maybe he was telling the truth. But we would all agree tales like this were very widespread in boarding schools and they were in fact scary.
Now that I’ve related my own view/experience, feel free to share your own stories or haunting boarding house stories or experiences(if any) and encounters.
Till next time, thank you😊.